What Is a Situationship?
The Complete Guide
You're more than friends but less than partners. You text every day but can't define what you are. Sound familiar? You might be in a situationship—and you're not alone. Here's everything you need to know about modern dating's most confusing phenomenon.
If you're constantly asking yourself "What are we?"—yet never getting a clear answer—you're likely experiencing one of modern dating's most frustrating phenomena. The term "situationship" has exploded in popularity because it perfectly captures something millions of people are experiencing but struggling to name: romantic connections that exist in the gray area between casual dating and committed relationships.
Research shows that 44% of people worry about getting hurt in a situationship, according to Hinge's Director of Relationship Science Logan Ury. The anxiety is real, the confusion is valid, and the need for clarity is universal. This comprehensive guide will help you understand what situationships are, recognize the signs you're in one, and most importantly—how to get the clarity you deserve.
What Is a Situationship, Exactly?
The Official Definition
A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that lacks clear definition, labels, or commitment. You're more than friends but not quite partners—stuck in an undefined gray area that leaves both people uncertain about where they stand.
The term was popularized by Cosmopolitan writer Carina Hsieh in 2017, though relationship blogger Demetria Lucas used it as early as 2009 to describe "situations" that weren't quite "relationships."
According to groundbreaking research published in Sexuality & Culture (2024), Dr. Mickey Langlais and colleagues defined situationships as "romantic relationships that involve spending time together and engaging in physical and sexual activity, but there is no label and commitment is low."
The research, which surveyed nearly 300 participants, found that satisfaction and commitment were significantly lower in situationships compared to traditional romantic relationships. Yet paradoxically, when it came to affection, sexual behaviors, and communication frequency, situationships didn't differ much from committed relationships—making them all the more confusing.
Why Situationships Are Everywhere Right Now
The term "situationship" was a finalist for the 2023 Word of the Year, losing only to "rizz"—a testament to how prevalent this phenomenon has become. While undefined relationships have always existed, several factors have created what Logan Ury calls the "situationship epidemic":
Dating App Culture
The abundance of options creates a paradox of choice, making people hesitant to commit when they feel the "perfect match" might be just one swipe away.
Fear of Vulnerability
Defining a relationship requires emotional honesty and risk. Many people prefer the safety of ambiguity over the vulnerability of commitment.
Delayed Adulthood
Economic pressures, career focus, and changing social norms mean many people delay serious commitments well into their late 20s and early 30s.
Communication Avoidance
As relationship therapist Rachel Wright notes, fear of rejection and anxiety over direct communication keep many situationships undefined indefinitely.
The 7 Telltale Signs You're in a Situationship
Wondering if what you have qualifies as a situationship? Here are the research-backed signs identified by psychologists, dating experts, and scientific studies:
1. No Clear Label or Definition
You've never had "the talk" about what you are. When friends ask if you're dating someone, you stumble over how to describe it. You might say "we're talking" or "it's complicated" because there's literally no agreed-upon term for what you have.
Why It Matters: Research shows that relationship ambiguity creates anxiety and reduces satisfaction. The lack of definition isn't just semantics—it fundamentally changes how secure and valued you feel.
2. Inconsistent Communication Patterns
They text you every day for a week, then disappear for three days without explanation. Communication is sporadic, unpredictable, and lacks the consistency of a committed relationship. You never know when you'll hear from them next.
Text Pattern Red Flags: Playing games about who leaves who on delivered longer, dry messages that avoid emotional depth, and only reaching out when it's convenient for them—not when you need support.
3. No Future Plans or Long-Term Discussion
Conversations stay firmly in the present. There's no talk of future plans together, no discussion of where this is going, and attempts to bring up the future are met with vague responses or subject changes.
Research Finding: Langlais et al. (2024) found that situationships are "less likely to involve talking about the future" compared to committed relationships—a defining characteristic that separates the two.
4. You Haven't Met Each Other's Important People
You haven't met their friends or family, and they haven't met yours. The relationship exists in a bubble, separate from the rest of your lives. There's no integration into each other's social circles.
Why This Happens: Introducing someone to friends and family signals commitment and relationship progression. Avoiding this step keeps the situationship conveniently undefined.
5. Unclear or Non-Existent Boundaries
There are no established boundaries about exclusivity, communication expectations, or what's acceptable behavior. You're not sure if you're allowed to see other people or if they are.
The Problem: This lack of boundaries creates constant uncertainty and anxiety. You can't set expectations because there's no framework for what this relationship is supposed to be.
6. Physical Intimacy Without Emotional Depth
There's plenty of physical affection and sexual activity, but conversations remain surface-level. They avoid discussions about feelings, fears, or vulnerabilities. Emotional intimacy is conspicuously absent.
Psychology Perspective: Using Sternberg's triangular theory of love, situationships often represent "romantic love"—intimacy and passion without commitment—creating an imbalanced relationship dynamic.
7. Constant Anxiety and Jealousy
You experience persistent anxiety about where you stand, feelings of jealousy when they interact with others, and chronic uncertainty about the relationship's stability. The ambiguity creates a constant low-level stress.
Research Finding: Compared to committed relationships, people in situationships are "more likely to create feelings of jealousy and doubt," according to the Sexuality & Culture study.
What Your Text Messages Reveal About Your Situationship
Your chat history is a goldmine of insight about the true nature of your relationship. Certain text patterns are telltale signs of a situationship rather than a committed relationship:
Situationship Text Patterns to Watch For
Inconsistent Response Times
They reply instantly for days, then leave you on read for 48 hours without explanation. There's no predictable communication rhythm.
What It Means: They're engaging when it's convenient for them, not when you need connection—a sign of low commitment.
Surface-Level Conversations
Chats rarely go deeper than memes, plans to hang out, or casual banter. Attempts to discuss feelings or the relationship are met with joke deflections or topic changes.
What It Means: Emotional avoidance keeps the relationship in a safe, undefined space where vulnerability isn't required.
Late-Night Contact Patterns
Most communication happens late at night, especially texts like "wyd?" or "u up?" There's little daytime conversation or planning.
What It Means: The relationship is more about convenience and physical connection than genuine emotional investment.
Vague Language About Plans
Plans are always "maybe" or "we should do that sometime." There's lots of talk about hypothetical future hangouts but few concrete commitments.
What It Means: They want to keep options open without committing to specific plans—maintaining flexibility to prioritize other things.
Absence of Relationship Talk
Scrolling through months of messages, you'll find zero conversations about defining the relationship, discussing feelings, or planning a future together.
What It Means: The avoidance is intentional—keeping things undefined protects both people from the vulnerability of commitment.
Want to analyze your actual chat patterns? Learn more about what your chat messages reveal about your relationship and discover how response times impact relationship psychology.
Situationship vs. Relationship: What's the Difference?
While situationships and relationships can look similar on the surface—you spend time together, communicate regularly, and share physical intimacy—the differences run deep:
Committed Relationship
- Clear labels and mutual understanding of what you are
- Consistent, predictable communication patterns
- Regular discussions about the future together
- Integration into each other's lives (friends, family)
- Established boundaries and expectations
- Both physical and emotional intimacy
- High satisfaction and security
Situationship
- No clear definition or agreed-upon labels
- Inconsistent, unpredictable communication
- Avoidance of future planning or commitment talk
- Kept separate from friends, family, and social circles
- Unclear or non-existent boundaries
- Physical intimacy with limited emotional depth
- Chronic anxiety, jealousy, and uncertainty
How to Get Clarity (And What to Do Next)
If you've recognized yourself in these signs, you're probably wondering what to do next. The answer depends on what you want—but it always starts with clarity.
Steps to Get the Clarity You Deserve
Get Clear on What YOU Want
Before talking to them, get honest with yourself. Do you want a committed relationship? Are you actually happy with how things are? What are your non-negotiables?
Analyze Your Communication Patterns
Look at your actual text messages. Are there patterns of inconsistency? Emotional avoidance? Understanding the data can give you objective evidence beyond your feelings.
Have the Conversation
Be direct and vulnerable. "I've really enjoyed our time together, and I'd like to talk about where this is going. What are you looking for?" It's scary, but necessary.
Watch Their Response (Not Just Words)
Actions matter more than words. Do they engage with the conversation or deflect? Do their behaviors change after the talk, or does everything stay the same?
Make a Decision
If your needs don't align, you have to decide: accept things as they are, or walk away. Research shows situationships rarely evolve into committed relationships—staying often means choosing continued uncertainty.
As Logan Ury advises: "If someone is seeking a long-term relationship, it's time to end the situationship with a person who's fun but not ready for commitment." The clarity you deserve requires action.
Get Objective Insights About Your Relationship
Stop guessing and start knowing. MosaicChats analyzes your actual chat conversations to reveal communication patterns, emotional trends, and compatibility insights you can't see when you're in the middle of it all.
Our AI analyzes response times, emotional sentiment, conversation depth, and communication consistency to give you data-backed clarity about your relationship. No more wondering—just insights.
The Bottom Line on Situationships
Situationships aren't inherently bad—some people genuinely want the freedom and flexibility they provide. The problem arises when one person wants clarity and commitment while the other prefers ambiguity, or when the lack of definition creates anxiety and insecurity.
Research makes it clear: situationships offer significantly lower satisfaction and commitment compared to defined relationships. They create more jealousy, more doubt, and more emotional turmoil. If you're in one and feeling confused, anxious, or unfulfilled—you're experiencing exactly what the data predicts.
You deserve clarity. You deserve consistency. You deserve someone who's excited to define what you have together rather than keeping it deliberately vague. Whether you get that clarity through conversation or by analyzing your actual communication patterns, taking action is the first step toward the relationship security you're seeking.
Situationships thrive in ambiguity—but you don't have to. The answers you need are already in your chat messages, your communication patterns, and your gut feelings. Trust yourself enough to demand the clarity you deserve.
Related Articles
References & Sources
- Langlais, M., Podberesky, A., Toohey, L., et al. (2024). "Defining and Describing Situationships: An Exploratory Investigation." Sexuality & Culture.Source
- Ury, L. (2025). "Dating Forward: Hinge Reveals the Quality-First Approach to Finding Love in 2025." Hinge Newsroom.Source
- "What Is a Situationship?" (2024). Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials.Source
- Hsieh, C. (2017). "What's a Situationship? Experts Unpack Whether You're In One." Cosmopolitan.Source
- "Unclear Situationship? Text Them This." (2025). Cosmopolitan.Source